Evidence of Him- Essay

By, J. Lynn Dickson

Many times I have questioned my faith. Most of my doubts were in essence an act of rebellion when I didn’t believe that God had cared for me well enough. Where was He when my mother chased me up the stairs with a butcher knife? When all of those men taught me things no little girl should know? When I was drugged beyond comprehension to hide their secrets? Where was He when my rent was due and my wallet empty? Where was He when someone else got the job I had prayed for? Where was He when I drank anti-freeze because I thought the only way to end the pain was to end my life? Where, where, where…?

The truth is, I’m beginning to understand that God was in all of those places. I just wasn’t looking. He is the One who wrapped my broken heart tightly in His cocoon of strength and allowed me to transform into a butterfly of faith. He was the hope in the rising of the sun and the solid ground beneath my feet. He announces Himself in my life every day, if only I get out of the way to let Him near. He’s not manifested in money, power or even the will to live. After all, He is the one that gave me free will in the first place, but He can be found, if I seek Him.

Evidence of His love is all around me, in the strength of the human spirit, in the profound reflex of the mind to not only persist in the impossible, but to find a way to make the unmanageable normal so that facing it every day loses its enormity. He taught me to endure, to persevere, and most of all, to overcome. Perhaps that is the essence of His spirit dwelling within me; within us all.

It is not the act of a mortal man or woman to continue to participate in life after the death of a child. But we do. Even more so, we claim the reason for their death as a personal war, a crusade against disease, against violence. It is not within the capacity of a typical person that faces immense tragedy and trauma to turn around and write a book about how the experience made us better than we were before. Yet, we pass hundreds, thousands, of such testimonies in every bookstore in America. We share our experience not only to heal ourselves, but to give hope to those who struggle.

The next time I feel my belief begin to waver it might be in your eyes, your smile that I find the proof I need of His love for all of us. Christian or not, there is a Divine presence inside of us, each one of us. The choice is ours whether we accept or deny it. He has given us the greatest gift of all, by not only loving us, but also by giving us the compassion to love each other. It is with our own free will that we decide whether or not to receive it.